My new morning routine is to make the coffee. Check on Jane (hopefully she is still sleeping so that I can go to the next step in my routine). Potter around for a minute, round up my glasses, find my journal and bible, maybe pick up the house a little, feed Birdie… Then I settle down with my first cup (this has all been the normal old-routine, the new part starts here). I begin to read parts of my old journals. This is very cool if you have never done this before. I continue with re-reading scripture that has spoken to me in the past and I re-write it down, now on a pretty peice of paper, to carry around with me all day and eventually hope to post somewhere. This could be in the office at PH, on the fridge, bathroom mirror, wherever. The goal is to really let it sink in and MEMORIZE it. Then I get more coffee, feed the baby, etc, etc.

I became very aware that I struggle with the same stupid crap all the time. Sure, I label it differently or convince myself that I have grown and moved past it blah, blah, blah. But, nope. I haven’t. I was so surprised to read that when I was pregnant even, I had the same issues that I have now. Do you want to know what these issues are???

Here is an exerpt from May 2005:
Holy living is discussed in the last part of Ephesians 4 and through 5. Our mouths and hearts are to be holy and righteous. This is convicting to me. I think that I tend to complain more lately and feel negatively about things. This greives the Holy Spirit in me. He is struggling to have me imitate God.

August 2005:
Our fullness or satisfaction should come from Christ, rather than from things or accomplishments. We are actually experiencing His fullness when we accept it from Christ. Nothing else can satisfy like he does. I struggle mostly from being satisfied in my job. I need to let my satisfaction come from Christ- knowing that I am exactly where He wants (or needs) me to be, all of the time.

So yeah, I know, IT is not about me. It sure took me a long time to get that simple answer into my thick head. I have struggled with discontentment my whole adult life and you know what i realized today?

“My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

I am supposed to be weak. I am content with my weaknesses. It is not about me.


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